- The Destructive Narrative: What’s the story you’re telling yourself that’s holding you back? That you’re too old? Too much baggage? No one will want you? When we think this way, we actually become our thoughts. Try putting yourself in different communities where people have a different story and aren’t negative about dating.
- Investing Too Quickly in Someone We Like: We project the importance we feel about finding someone onto the actual person. We see potential in someone, have hope that they could actually turn into our partner, and then we invest our time and energy into them. The key is not how we feel about them, but how that person makes US feel. Does that person make you feel safe, adored, at peace? We need to invest in someone based on how much they invest in US.
- We Chase the Wrong People: Often, when we’re insecure, we chase people who we think others would value, so we can elevate our status (good-looking, good job, well-off financially). We think that the unavailable people are rare and therefore valuable. The people that are good for us are supportive, willing to grow and learn, have self-awareness and have similar life goals.